Why do I feel badly if I say “No”? It is just a response to a simple request from someone – “Yes” or “No.”
Now, I am a pretty direct person but sometimes I hesitate to respond with the answer that works best for me. This is especially true when someone asks me to do something for them and I cannot or do not want to. The energy in my body starts feeling wacky – like I just got off an amusement park ride. I feel a little anxious and queasy. What is up with this?
I want to figure this out, so I practice slowing down and giving space to the request and my response. It feels like I am replaying in Slo-Mo. When I do this, I notice there are many thoughts flying through my head. These thoughts cause sparks of emotions where some of these emotions make sense and others seem random. The thoughts usually trigger feelings about not being thoughtful or not being generous.
What is going on? Fundamentally, I think I am conflicted about what to do with the request. I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I like helping people. I enjoy being of service. But I also want and need to strike a balance in between what I do for others and how I care for and manage my own needs. I often find this to be a challenge as there is an extremely critical part of me that judges my actions. I find this critic sometimes helpful and other times not so much. Sometimes it feels like there is an entire courtroom going over this situation. Holy Moly!!!!
I think I do best in finding the balance when I ask myself… how can I create harmony inside me? Does “Yes” slow the thoughts and emotions down or does No”? Which action feels true to what I really want and need to do?
Then I need to do that……
